i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
