Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
