sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
