party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
