A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
