I'm lost and stupid without you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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