Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
