Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
