I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
