Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
