Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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