i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
