I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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