need another drink. this is the easiest way
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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