he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize