Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
