He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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