your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
