last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
