Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
