It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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