who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize