Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
