I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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