dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
