i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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