I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize