The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
