I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
