There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
