Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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