i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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