after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize