We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So much Jack, so little girl.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
