so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
