dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
