Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
