I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
