I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
