My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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