i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
