He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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