On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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