a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
