Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
