Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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