I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
