so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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