Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
