I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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