i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
