you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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