Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
