The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
