She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
