ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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