he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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