i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
