How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
