i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
