I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
