They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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