just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize