Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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